Seeking God

ok, here I am sitting in front of this computer trying to elaborate some ideas to express how I feel about my relationship with God.
A couple of days ago I was reading this article on internet about being mad at God, and the truth is that I think I am really mad at Him...again!!
I say again, b/c after my dad passed away (20 years ago), I sort of blamed on God what was happening in my life.
I was not able to understand what I was doing wrong. I thought that I was doing great , being a nice kid, a good son, a wonderful grandson. I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do. So, after all my miceries I started wondering...what the heck was wrong with me?
I started questionig myself because I thought I deserved all this crap I was going through.
I needed 16 years to realized that I was wrong.
Life is not easy stupid, freaking boy!!! But someone taught me that there was a way to deal with all my stuff...and that, unfortunately, no matter how good I was or whatever I did...If I didnt give my life to Jesus, I would be living in complete frustration and defeated.
So, guess what?? I did give my life to Jesus, so I thought...but almost three years later I came to the conclusion that I kept living in destress b/c I havent surrendered my life to Him completely.
I overcame my dad's death but still there was and there is something that keeps holding me back and what I keep blaming God for...(this is what I found out reading this article.)
Now, Hebrews 6: 10 says: God is not unjust... and believe me!! I know that. What I'm waiting for is for Him to answer, why me?
And you know what? I hate it when HE speaks to me the way HE does it.Today,
HE told me that I need more faith, more patience, and hope. yes, HOPE... I so overlooked this word!! Gosh! I am a complete idiot!!!!!!
Therefore, I thought I have quit...well, I guess I havent yet.
I have to start seeking God again...and ask Him forgiveness, another concept I need to revise.
I've been chosen